When Sherris Richards’ daughter, Faith, was diagnosed with autism at 18-months it impacted her entire family. “It devastated us to the core,” she says. “I think it affected us even more because we didn’t know about autism.”

The initial shock of the diagnosis caused Richards and her husband, Tony, to believe they could handle their daughter’s care alone. “I thought I could work with my daughter and take care of her autism.”

At the time, the Richards lived in Pennsylvania where autism treatment was very progressive. “We were provided with 3 hours of floor play therapy a day and, initially, I was concerned with how that was going to fit into our schedule,” she notes. “But once I got over my attitude, the therapy was the best thing that ever happened to us.”

The Richards participated in support groups and therapy services, focusing on the care of their daughter and family. “We sought out the support we needed and were able to do what we needed to do to get our daughter on track.”

In 2006, the Richards moved to Bismarck and soon realized the community was in need of the same type of support. “When we moved here my husband said, ‘We need to get something going,’” she says. “There were families that just jumped on board to get our group started.”

The group became a chapter of the national organization Autism Speaks and later developed their own identity as the North Dakota Autism Connection. Richards now serves as executive director of the organization. “Our goal is to educate the community and to provide encouragement and support to families living with autism,” she says.

Understanding Autism
Autism Spectrum Disorder is a term given to a group of bio-neurological developmental disabilities that impair the way individuals interact and communicate with others. Autism impacts the normal development of the brain in the areas of social interaction, communication skills, and cognitive function.

Individuals with autism typically have difficulties in verbal and non-verbal communication and leisure or play activities. Symptoms can range from mild to severe, generally appearing before the age of 3.
One out of every 110 children in the United States is diagnosed with autism and the rate of diagnosis is four times more prevalent in boys than girls. A new case is diagnosed every 20 minutes, making autism the fastest-growing serious developmental disability in the United States.
“There are many children diagnosed but also many undiagnosed,” says Richards. “You can’t look at a person and see the disorder or pinpoint all of the signs and say they have autism.”
She says one of the most prevalent symptoms of autism is sensory issues. “Our children experience both hypo and hyper sensitivities. Things such as lights and perfumes cause certain behaviors, and they may not have good eye contact because it actually hurts their eyes to look into yours.”
These behaviors can spur one of the greatest misconceptions related to the disorder, says Richards. “People can be very judgmental because they don’t understand,” she notes. “They may think the parents are bad because they don’t do certain things when these behaviors arise, but the parent struggles to help their child and also deal with the stares of others.”
Both therapy and early intervention can help the individual with autism and their family, she notes. “This is why we push therapy, so we can help children deal with their sensory issues. And, as the parent learns about how to help the child, they can educate others.”
Treating Autism
There are many different approaches to treating autism, says Richards, but the best options often change with each individual.

One facility helping children with autism improve their communication and function within society is Red Door Pediatric Therapy. “When families come to us, they usually have children struggling with behaviors and communications,” says Kelli Ellenbaum, a speech therapist at the facility. “Once parents understand how and why their children communicate the way they do, it is easier to move forward in building a meaningful relationship using strategies taught in therapy.”

Ellenbaum says Red Door Pediatric Therapy takes a team approach to treating autism, pairing speech therapy with occupational therapy. “We address communication by helping children learn verbal communication, augmentative communication devices, such as the iPad, and pictures.”

Occupational therapy helps children manage sensory difficulties as well as learn daily living skills. “Children with autism interpret visual information, touch, taste, texture, sound, smell, and body awareness much differently,” notes Ellenbaum. “We help parents and community members interpret a child’s behavior as a meaningful exchange of communication.”

She says children with autism should begin therapy by age two, but most typically start by age four or five. Red Door Pediatric Therapy also includes training for parents which helps to continue skill development in home and community environments.

Ellenbaum says children with autism have unique abilities and often require a different means of communication to accommodate their learning styles. “Children with autism often have average or above average cognitive skills and when information is presented in a way that can be understood, amazing things happen.”

The North Dakota Autism Connection
“We want to work with children that have autism and help them to live successful lives,” say Richards. “We look at what we can do now and how we can go forward.”

The North Dakota Autism Connection offers monthly meetings, along with community workshops, to allow families to connect and promote advocacy. The organization also plans activities, including sports nights at the YMCA, arts activities with VSA ND and the annual Autism Awareness Walk. “There is power in numbers,” says Richards. “We support each other in going out and doing activities.”

Red Door Pediatric Therapy is involved with the organization through the Autism Awareness Walk and various event sponsorships. “The ND Autism Connection provides a way for families to get together and know they have both exceptional and awesome kids,” says Ellenbaum.

Richards says it will always be important to help those living with autism, both her own loved ones and those she meets through the North Dakota Autism Connection. “As long as there is autism, we want to help.”

For additional information on the North Dakota Autism Connection and the resources available to individuals and families living with autism visit www.ndautismconnection.org. Information on the services provided by Red Door Pediatric Therapy is also available at www.reddoorpediatric.com.

Like most mothers of school-age children, I devoted a good chunk of August to school preparation. New shoes? Check. New clothes? Check. School supplies, water bottles, backpacks? Yep. Hair cuts, dental appointments, immunizations, physicals? Check, check, check …

You get the idea. It was a busy (and expensive) month.

If only school started after Labor Day. Then most of August — our warmest, most glorious month — could be spent enjoying summer rather gearing up for school. But, that’s the subject of a different article…

With all the appointments and purchases we completed prior to the first day of school, I thought we were well prepared. After the first day of school, I learned otherwise.

My fourth grade daughter, age 9, bounded out to the car in her sparkly new sneakers and skort, and delivered another request. “Moooooom, can I get a back to school manicure? Pleeeeease! All my friends got one.”

I paused for a minute to let the words sink in. Back to school manicure? Did I hear that right? Is this now the standard for fourth-grade preparation?

Apparently, she informs me, I’m years behind the times. Even girls in kindergarten are getting back-to-school manicures. And these are not the at-home versions from mom or older sister. We’re talking professional, salon manicures. French tips for all I know.

Don’t get me wrong, manis and pedis are among my favorite indulgences. I’m all about creating an excuse to get one, and the first day of school works for me. Moms should celebrate the beginning of school with some time at the salon!

Still, these services are luxuries. I was about 28 years old before I had my first real pedicure, and I’m not that eager to begin springing for trips to the nail salon for my nine year old.

This is just the latest in a growing list of indulgences we lavish on our kids. Limousine birthdays, shopping trips to New York City, $300 doll furniture, shiny new cars…the list goes on.

Is anyone else questioning the sense of this? Is it smart for us to embrace these extravagances for our kids that could be experienced more slowly and gratefully with age?

There are many reasons why we over-indulge our children. First, we can.

Products and services are more available and affordable than when we grew up. Families today are also smaller and often earn two incomes, so parents have more money to spend on excessive birthday parties, toys and other non-essentials.

Another culprit, though, is impatience. High-speed technology has us addicted to speed. We struggle to wait for anything.

I find myself pacing while my Kurig instant brew, single-serving coffee maker produces a hot, fresh cup of delicious dark coffee in less than a minute. I can unload half the dishwasher in that time. Why does it take so long?

We expect to reach people instantly, and will call, text, email, facebook, twitter and otherwise relentlessly harass until we get a response.

With instant cash, instant credit, instant information, and overnight delivery we have little reason to wait for anything. So, it shouldn’t be a surprise when our children see or hear of something they like and want it. Now. As quickly as the latest app on an iPhone.

It may not always feel like it but as parents, we are driving this run-away vehicle. We are in control. Maybe we ought to step on the brakes more often.

We moan that “kids grow up so fast now adays” while standing in line to buy high-heeled pumps for our four-year-old. (Guilty!)

When children who have been regularly indulged with their latest cravings grow into hormonal teens, what sort of affect do these indulgent tendencies have on them? Why would they be inclined to wait before drinking alcohol for example. Or having sex.

Will they learn the self-control needed to say no to such strong desires when the consequences are more serious than a twisted ankle caused by high heels?

Our fast-paced culture encourages immediate gratification. Yet many of life’s greatest rewards require time, persistence, patience. There’s no instant route for earning a degree, learning an instrument, perfecting a sport, growing a garden, saving for a home, raising a child.

Even if we have the cash or credit to indulge our children’s fancies, it’s ok, even smart, to save some privileges for a later age.

My daughter isn’t scarred because she didn’t have a back-to-school manicure. But she might just be if I don’t help her learn to wait.

Julie Fedorchak is a Bismarck writer. Write her back at jfedorchak@bis.midco.net.

After two successful baby deliveries, my husband and I had the “All American” family – one girl and one boy. Since our house was tastefully accessorized with nursing pillows, puke rags and exer-saucers, we decided to pull the trigger on a third.

I secretly wanted another girl. Not just because women rock, or because girl clothes are impossibly cute, or even because I wanted to increase the odds of replacing myself as organizer of all things family.

All of these are compelling reasons for wanting a girl, but they were not my motivation. The singular source of my pink-colored prayers was my first daughter, Elizabeth. I desperately wanted her to have a sister.

As the youngest in a line of children, I am blessed with four amazing older sisters. These women protected, mentored and counseled me growing up. They housed me in their basement, used me shamelessly for free childcare and then readily returned the care when I needed it most as a hormonal new mom.

My sisters make me laugh and cry and are fountains of wisdom. We don’t talk every day or even every week, but they are like the moon, always there even when you can’t see it. I really can’t imagine how different my life would be without my sisters. Oh how I wanted that for my little girl.

Yet, when number three bellowed into this world, one look at the plumbing told us God had other plans. Elizabeth, Nathan: meet your brother Sam.

For the last 6 years, we’ve had a front row seat on brotherhood. I asked my husband if he ever wished he had a brother. “Of course,” he said quickly. When I asked why, I expected some deep insights into male relationships.

“Oh my gosh! Do you have any idea how many balls I threw up in the air and caught by myself,” he responded.

As simple as that sounds, being a goalie, receiver or pitching machine are among the chief functions of a brother. “Reliable sidekick” is one of the great roles of siblings, especially of the same sex. As soon as Sam could chase a ball, he and Nathan became a team.

They share everything – friends, favorite teams, a bedroom, a love for sports, and a fiercely competitive spirit. They aren’t conjoined, but for younger Sam, life would be just about perfect if they were.

They spend hours playing and making up games. Indoor hockey was a favorite this winter. Our couches were the nets, football helmets served as facemasks and baseball mitts functioned as goalie gloves.

On a recent trip to Central Market, they played a pickup game of hoops through the aisles with basketballs store managers foolishly displayed within reach of any child. “That’s what they get for having balls in the store,” I consoled myself while shopping in peace.

Last Sunday, Nate and Sam were uncharacteristically quiet in their room for a couple hours, then they suddenly tumbled into the living room wearing shorts and my husbands tube socks pulled up to their thighs. This was their new game – “long sock wrestling.”

That lasted about 3 minutes until Nathan, who outweighs Sam by about 50 percent, pushed him face-first into a wooden rocking chair. A brief cooling off period in their respective corners and the tussle was ancient history. The fighters came out conspiring over their next activity.

Siblings don’t universally relate. Even the Bible is filled with examples of toxic sibling rivalries – Cain and Able, Rachel and Leah, Joseph and his brothers. Family relationships gone sour can make for festering, painful wounds.

Unlike friends, we don’t get to choose our family. So to have a brother or sister who is also a friend is a real blessing.

“A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure.” Sirach 6: 14:

It’s too early to tell if our boys will be best friends throughout life. They will likely have periods of closeness as well as distance. I’m very grateful they have each other, and Elizabeth too, always there, like the moon, even when they are invisible.

And … I’m still praying for pink!

Julie Fedorchak is a Bismarck writer. Reach her at jfedorchak@bis.midco.net.

Clayton and Joseph

By Shelly Preszler

“Come on Mom, it’s time to get up and make friends!” My six year-old son’s voice pleaded with a sense of urgency. Oh yes, that’s right. I had promised Joseph the night before we would get up early to make friends in our new neighborhood. I had forgotten how literal kids take everything. If it could only be that easy, I thought to myself. My hair was tussled, my eyes matted shut, and I was feeling a little like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz as we had actually traveled through a tornado the night before to reach our new home in Mandan, North Dakota.
The only thing I knew for sure at that moment was that this mom needed a cup of coffee!

Our family of eight had moved several times over the past ten years for my husband’s career and those moves had taken a toll on me.
I had become very attached to many of our friends and old neighbors over the years and saying goodbye so many times had left a sour taste in my mouth. No worries though, as I was always able to fill that hole in my heart. I baked myself into a little corner of loneliness with every pie and cupcake I made. With every move came a good five pounds of heartache for the friends we had left behind.

I vowed this time would be different. We prayed the night before about our friend situation, and, little did I know, what blessing awaited us both.

My mom was along on this move and she called me to the front door just as I grabbed my cup of coffee. As I looked across the street I couldn’t believe my eyes! A little brown haired boy about six, stood holding his mom’s hand unwilling to cross the street; and there my son stood in our driveway too timid to cross the street also. They just stood there for a moment taking it all in when they finally met in the middle and the rest is history. Clayton and Joseph have been inseparable since that day. They were both six at the time and neither of them had ever had a boy the same age in their neighborhood. What fun! His mother had also been anxiously awaiting the arrival of our family as she had heard through the grapevine that her new neighbors had six kids!!

I also got a bonus out of the deal, as Clayton turned out to be a ‘2 for 1 special’ as they say. His mom, Diana, has become a dear friend to me as well.

It seems school dismissal time at 3:00 can be a great way for moms to make friends as well. I had met several friends by chance in the school parking lot, by just taking the time to say, “Hi” and asking them about their lives and kids. I have got to know so many wonderful women this way that we actually started a Bible study group. One day when my mom was visiting, she stayed for our study and asked the ladies how we had met and almost all of them said, “Why, in the parking lot!”

It has become our standard joke and we now call ourselves the “Parking Lot Friends”. All joking aside though, those ladies were there for me our first fall in our new town when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. They would also be the ones to comfort our family in the days ahead when we lost one precious nephew to cancer, and another beautiful family member to a lengthy illness.

I have come to the conclusion that we all need “Parking Lot Friends.” Not just acquaintances, but friends, who will be there for tough times and for happy ones as well. We need friends who are willing to celebrate with us and also share our sorrow.

So, if you have recently moved, or just want to get to know the other mom in the mini-van this year; take some advice from my son and I. The street can be a pretty good place to make a friend.

Obesity rates in the United States have tripled in the last 30 years; one-third of the nation’s children are obese; and, for the first time in history, the current generation is slated to have a shorter life expectancy then their parents. It’s time to take action.

In Feburary, First Lady Michelle Obama launched the “Let’s Move” campaign to fight childhood obesity. With the goal of solving the childhood obesity epidemic within a generation, the campaign focuses on changes to the nutrition, food labeling and lifestyle choices of Americans through a variety of initiatives.

And while the “Let’s Move” campaign will work to reduce childhood obesity on a national level, there are resources and options available in Bismarck-Mandan that can aid in combating this growing problem in our own community.

Healthy Eating, Healthy Living
Wanda Agnew, PhD, LRD, public health dietician with Bismarck-Burleigh Public Health, says fighting childhood obesity will take a shift in everyone’s thinking. “It’s not a focus so much on pounds as making better food and lifestyle choices,” she says. “We need to make healthy choices today.”

She makes five recommendations to promote healthier weights among children and adults:
• Eat meals together at the table
• Eat large amounts of fruit, vegetables and whole grains
• Ensure beverages are high in calcium
• Think about food in terms of hunting and gathering
• Stop talking about diets for tomorrow

In today’s society, she notes, individuals don’t have to literally hunt and gather their food, but people are being harmed by food’s constant presence. “It’s quick, easy and accessible.” Agnew recommends people instead think in terms of what types of food they are “gathering” for meals and snacks.

Bismarck Burleigh Public Health offers programs to promote healthy lifestyle choices. Bodyworks is offered to promote healthy weight and lifestyle choices in adolescents. The program will be offered this summer and involves participation by both children and parents.

The Healthy Kids/ Healthy Weight tool kit is also available at no cost through public health. “This lists everything in the community that will help people to move more and eat smarter,” says Agnew, adding the kit highlights activities like farmers markets and area recreational facilities.

Also in the works is the GO! Bismarck-Mandan Coalition, a collaboration of various entities throughout the community. Agnew says the program is nearing the launch of its website and supplemental materials. “This will include an online listing of opportunities for families to stay active and make better food choices,” she says.

Get Active, Keep Moving
Paired with healthy eating and food choices in the fight against childhood obesity, is the importance of physical activity for the whole family.

“Just get moving, it doesn’t have to be sports,” says Kurt Weinberg, physical education teacher at Highland Acres and Pioneer elementary schools. “You don’t have to be an athlete to be athletic; it’s just about moving and getting your body going.”

He says it is important to get the entire family involved in activities and for parents to model healthy habits for their children. “As parents it’s your job to teach that you value physical activity. It’s important you model activities and do them with your kids.”

As a teacher, he works to instill healthy habits in children that they can take home to their families. “I can give a place where kids can be active,” he says, adding gym class may be the only physical activity some children take part in each week. “I try to teach activities so kids take this outside the school walls, and so they’ll like physical activity and will make it a part of their life.”

In addition, Weinberg offers an after school intramural sports programs for his students; and also promotes an annual “Screenless Week” to encourage families to turn off televisions, computers and video games and participate in physical activities together.

Weinberg says it is important parents allow their kids to “just play” and offer a variety of active opportunities. “Kids should get a wide variety of activities. It shouldn’t be forced, it should be for joy and fun.”

Lori Hinz, fitness instructor at Capital Raquet and Fitness Center, has taught the facility’s “Kiddy Size” class for eight years and agrees variety is key to keeping kids active. “There are so many things we can do to engage them and keep them interested,” she says.

During the half-hour kid’s fitness classes, Hinz focuses on teaching proper stretching, movement and coordination, and strength exercises; as well as educating children on muscle groups and nutrition. Separate classes are held each Thursday night for three to seven-year-olds and eight to 12-year-olds, and Hinz says each focuses on age-appropriate activities. “It’s practical, we teach a lot of things like skipping, jumping jacks and how to dribble a basketball.”

As a fitness instructor and mother, Hinz says it is important to her to encourage children to be active. “My goal is to make sure they understand exercise is and can be fun,” she says. “They have so much more confidence if they are healthy.”

Getting Everyone Involved

“If you’re going to get a gym membership, bring your kids,” says Hinz of the importance of involving the whole family in physical activity. “You are modeling for them.”

In addition to modeling an active lifestyle, Agnew stresses how important it is that kids see parents making good nutritional choices. “Parents are the best and primary teachers of everything their children value and believe,” she says. “Family meals are markers of successful children; it’s more than food.”

And although the fight against childhood obesity will need to start at home, it will take the efforts of the whole community to instill positive lifestyle changes in today’s youth, says Agnew. “We all have a responsibility to help each other.”

The title for what Ali’s does is called an artist-in-residence. This means that any organization or school can contract with Ali to bring her in as a guest artist to work with students of any age level.

In her classes, Ali teaches a variety of mediums such as painting, drawing, cartooning, bookmaking, sculpture, and mask making. Students learn the basic techniques first then are able to expand the projects in their own personal directions. Her ultimate goal is to challenge students to push the limits of the lessons by experimenting and following their own instincts and ideas while creating their art. “I believe there is no right or wrong way to create art,” Ali says, “As humans I think we have a natural urge to create and express ourselves using our hands and imaginations.”

Though her job as a guest artist takes her all over North Dakota, Ali values the time she spends in her own community. “I feel it’s really important to be able to work in the place I live. This is the first season where all my jobs happen to be right here in Bismarck-Mandan and I am loving it. Working in the community allows me the opportunity to take the work I’m doing a little further”

The summers she spent working at Elks Camp Grassick set the stage for her philosophy of working with people. Working with people of different ability levels showed her what a difference a positive approach with people makes. Ali always tries to carry this attitude into her classes. Her goal is to create an inspiring environment in which people can have fun while making art. “Creating art allows us to step into that timeless space where we can just lose ourselves in the process.” says Ali.

Setting up an inspiring environment has perhaps been one of the things that has made classes like ‘Art of Harry Potter Camp’ and ‘Is the Pirates Life for You?’ so popular.
Bobbie Crane, a junior at Concordia College, took Ali’s Harry Potter art classes during her 7th-12th grade years. When asked what she enjoyed most about Ali’s classes, Bobbie recalled Ali’s unique ability to immerse people in the genre and in the creative world. “There were no limits on what we could do with our projects and I appreciated the freedom.”

Apart from her involvement in Theo Arts and the Sleepy Hollow summer programs, Ali also has her own business called ‘Creative Art Parties’. One can hire Ali LaRock to visit their birthday party or any special occasion and do art and special themed projects. Choose from a variety of projects then Ali shows up with the supplies and offers the lesson wherever your party is being held.

What Ali loves about being a teaching artist that is brings people together and allows them to have a fun and relaxing experience with art. “So many times I hear ‘I can’t draw. I’m no good at art or I don’t have a creative bone in my body’. Everyone has something to express. Art skills are something that can be developed and taught just like anything else. I have students who have been in my classes year after year and it is so exciting to be able watch their artistic abilities and visions grow”

AK Koebele, age 12, has been taking classes from Ali LaRock since she was five. AK’s favorite class has been Ali’s famous Harry Potter camps, where the students participate in a creative Hogwarts school experience like wand making, potion making, and even herbology. Courtney Koebele, AK’s mother, remarks, ” Ali is a great artist and inspiration for the Bismarck community. We are so lucky to have her to teach our kids. ”

If you are interested in having Ali bring art to you, your students or kids check out her website www.alilarock.com to see her class listing, artist in residence, and creative art party information. Her personal artwork can also be found on her website as well as Latitudes Gallery, 107 N. 5th St. Bismarck, and the Hotel Donaldson in Fargo.

Women in labor need consistent encouragement, reassurance, and to feel a sense of respect and absolute safety. Having a professional doula present at a birth is one way to assure that birth family’s needs are met throughout the birthing process. The ultimate goal is to guide mother and baby through that process as safely and compassionately as possible, and to give each family the birth experience they desire.

Ramona Redding Lopez is a trained doula and is working on her certification through DONA International. For more information, contact her at 426.2069

This piece was written during the summer of 2009. The author welcomed a baby boy in late August and, indeed, loves being a new mom again.
My friend asked me the other day what it’s like to be pregnant. I told him, “It’s like seriously over-eating to the point that your food revolts and tries to escape.” Although a bit sweeter than that, the analogy fits.

I am thirty-seven weeks pregnant and, my doctor tells me, 70 percent effaced, meaning the new baby will arrive in the next couple of weeks. Although this second pregnancy has been a little more challenging and exhausting than my first, it’s also been more relaxed. I put my feet up more and cut myself more slack than I did the first time around.

For instance, our home is disheveled, but that’s okay. I told my husband the other day, “Just because I’m not getting it done, doesn’t mean you have to do it.” Fortunately, he is doing a lot around the house. He even folded all of the newborn clothes I had haphazardly thrown into the baby’s dresser the other day. Expectant fathers, take note. It might take until baby number two, but you too can learn to fold palm-sized clothing.

Pregnancy exhaustion brings with it trepidation about what comes next. I wonder how I will make it through those first six months. Hypothetically, they seem more challenging than they do sweet. Though looking at pictures of my husband and I with our first-born, I am amazed at how relaxed, blissed out and in love we look despite the daily challenges of caring for an infant. I am reminded that I loved being a new mom and I know I will love it again.

Did you really just say that?

In addition to some of the unwelcome swelling of various body parts I experienced in the first few months of pregnancy, I was also forced to entertain ridiculous comments and questions from my child-free friends. When we announced we were having a baby over dinner with close friends and family, one friend tried to calculate and figure out where he was the night we conceived. Yuck!

A few months into it, when I informed that same friend that, according to my weekly Internet update, the baby was the size of an apple, he replied in disbelief, “That’s it?! I was thinking more like a large melon!” I held a grudge until the third trimester when the relaxin kicked in. Relaxin is a pregnancy hormone that is true to its name and Mother Nature’s sweetest gift to expectant mothers!

The second trimester was more of the same until the most wonderful turning point occurred. My belly’s girth exceeded my breast size, bringing my body’s proportions back into balance. When others asked me how I was doing, I’d tell them about this phenomenon. By the looks on their faces, the topic clearly made them uncomfortable. More than once, I got the “you’ve got to stop talking” look from my sister or mother, a gentle nudge designed to help me save face. Lesson learned: don’t draw more attention to engorged reproductive parts than absolutely necessary. Although, I really think there is something to it. A friend who brightly estimated that I must be six to eight months pregnant during my fourth month, told me that I looked fantastic when I ran into him the other day – “much better than the last time I saw you!” Is that a compliment? Regardless, his comments validated my breasts and belly theory.

When I revealed my impressive yet slightly frightening cup size to a visiting girlfriend, she told me that in the entire Twin Cities metro area she was challenged to find the triple D cup size she became with each of her three pregnancies. Her size two, waiflike stature helped me see the temporary nature of my predicament and even take a step toward appreciating my ever-curvier self.

Expectant mothers do receive comfort along the way. The experienced husbands and fathers who say things like, “you look amazing,” can expect enthusiastic kisses. Girlfriends, sisters and mothers become even more important than usual. “What can I do for you?” has the most wonderful ring to it. Where do I begin?

Pregnant women develop a natural glow during the third trimester from all of the extra blood flowing through their bodies. My laugh has gotten deeper and all stress has disappeared. My mom and sister call me the “jolly pregnant lady.” I can’t help it. Despite my physical limitations, I’m happy. My belly does all the talking so I get to avoid the uncomfortable dance with people I haven’t seen for a while as to whether or not I am pregnant. Unfortunately though, the ridiculous commentary does not end.

You’ll get yours

Another friend who was with us the night we revealed my pregnancy, informed me recently that he is not grossed out by my pregnancy like he thought he would be. I actually think my wearing a bikini this summer took away the mystery of my unsettling condition and helped him come to terms with it (it takes a brave woman!). I took his words as a compliment and, despite his protests, I suspect he’ll be among our first visitors in the hospital.

I also am reminded of my brother-in-law’s reaction to some late pregnancy photos I posted to the Internet during my first pregnancy. Eden, his wife, was a diminutive four months along with their first baby at the time. Within five minutes of posting the photos, the phone rang and Eric’s concerned voice rang out from across the Atlantic. After our initial greeting, he paused and then stammered, “You’re huge!” Love that relaxin. I just laughed. By the way, Eden is currently 36 weeks pregnant with twins. Talk about karmic retribution!

It’s actually pretty wonderful

I will miss being pregnant. Despite my own discomforts and those of my friends, the lesson in it for all of us is the miracle. Pregnancy and childbirth are a common experience, and yet each human being is like a home science project and an artistic masterpiece all wrapped up into one. The creation of a human being is, as I told my husband when we were contemplating our first child, “the stuff of life. I don’t want to miss it.” And I am thankful every day that I’m in the thick of it – for better or for worse.

I was at the grocery store the other day and noticed a young couple. They were clearly expecting their first child and I would guess she was about four months along. As I lumbered toward them to negotiate passing them mid-aisle, I noticed the panic stricken look on the young man’s face as he compared my expansive belly to his partner’s little bump.

In a relaxin-induced moment of compassion, I tried my best to convey to him with a return glance, “Yes, my friend, this will happen to her too. And it’s going to be all right. In fact, it’s pretty wonderful!” Despite my best efforts to educate, provide good analogies and dispel preconceived notions about pregnancy in that single glance, I think the food in his stomach was trying to escape.

It happens to everyone: that jolt that awakens the philosopher inside. Maybe it doesn’t happen often enough.

Flashback: 3 weeks ago …

I hammer away on my laptop while my 4-year-old stacks blocks. Suddenly, by stealth, she sidles up in her Ugg-boots, looks me square in the ear, says “daddy” and waits for a reaction she does not get.

It’s my loss.

Her wee voice fails to penetrate the spreadsheet-induced fog I’m in — the one hijacking my senses. Despite my pent-up, inappropriate seriousness, she presses on. One thing she knows: some things in life are more important than spreadsheets. She inches closer and percolates once more.

“Daddy,” she squeaks, louder, still sweet, yet with urgency – like Enya suddenly finding her “Enya Face” voice.

“Huh? Oh, hi honey!”

“I have a secret.”

“A secret? Well now, that’s delicious. What is it?”

“I know all about letters,” she whispers, cupping her hands, then pointing to the tower of blocks.

I stare at her creation, astonished to see the blocks bearing the letters ‘M’, ‘A’ and ‘D’ (for “Maddie”) stacked on top. Mouth agape, I look back at her.
Her smile is proud.
If not for her divine persistence, I would have missed it … over a spreadsheet. I blame me: I know better.
As far as announcements go, there are none more important than those of a 4-year-old … always delivered with drama and panache. Not a week earlier, she cornered me with her doctor kit and gave me my yearly physical: pulse, blood pressure, stethoscope, the whole enchilada. Turns out, I needed a shot. As she readied the plastic hypodermic needle, she rolled up my sleeve, eyeballed me and said with drummed up seriousness, “This won’t hurt, Daddy.”

I’d be lying if I told you that the twinkle in her eyes didn’t say something more, something sobering, something like, “Daddy! Hello? You in there? Life is happening. I’m all over it. Follow my lead.”

What other wake-up calls lie ahead? I can only speculate. For now, I’m still digesting, “Daddy, I know all about letters.” After she whispered it, I snatched her up onto my lap, intrigued by this waist-high creature with a heart full of all things worth exploring. We laughed. We squeezed. And from somewhere underneath the skin, the Longfellow within me sprang to life:
Daddy, I know all about letters;
The ins, the outs,
The ups, the downs,
The loops, the sounds:
ALL about letters.

“Tell me about the letters, honey,” I said.

As her eyes beamed back at me, her thoughts were laid bare: You finally got it, Daddy. I’m sooooo happy.

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